i hate myself.

mindfcked.

okay so last night i had a dream (a daily occurrence actually).

i was in the passenger seat of a car, and we were driving down a highway. we pulled up into a hdb flat, and went up the lift to our new home.

it then occurred to me, that the man driving, was my husband, but i had no idea what he looked like, because i never looked at him.

so, we went to unpack our stuff, and then the movers came with our furniture. we were hungry so we went downstairs to get dinner, but when we wanted to go back up, the lift wasn't working. he piggybacked me up about ten flights of stairs, and for the first time in my dream, there was conversation.

me: do we have any cigarettes upstairs?
him: yep of course.
me: what kind?
him: ice blast and ice mint.
me: yay.

we finally reached our house, and when he put me down, he turned around, and i saw his face.

and then i woke up.

change everything you are

i'm going to hide in my shell-shocked being now.

ollo.

some songs i've been singing very loudly to myself for the past hour:

1. Marry Me - Train (Listen to this btw, it's a super sweet song)
2. The Zephyr Song - RHCP
3. Break Your Heart - Taio Cruz
4. Time is Running Out - Muse
5. The Animal Song - Savage Garden
6. Club Can't Handle Me - Flo Rida
7. Shiver - Natalie Imbruglia
8. DJ Got Us Falling in Love Again - Usher
9. Say It Isn't So - Bon Jovi

yep. very soon, i'm pretty sure my neighbours are gonna barge in and shoot my laptop, speakers and then me. but hey, i'm young and fun. and if i can't party with anyone or go on a fancy date, i shall croon alone in my room, pretend i'm not tone-deaf and have the time of my life.

monday blues.

sigh. that sums it all up.

by sunday night, i'm usually at the peak of unhappiness. the knowledge of a new week starting just opens the floodgates of bad memories from the past week.

don't get me wrong, it's not like my weeks are raped by bad memories and bad happenings, it's just.. sunday nights are a long night of recollection of people who i didn't like meeting, things i didn't like hearing and work i didn't complete that would carry over to the new week.

i know i know, every week should be a fresh start and all, but somehow, it never works that way. every monday there's shit to shovel because of old shit from the last week, and to make things worse, new shit piles on to add on to the shitty shit shoveling. to me, i guess what constitutes a fresh start is when there's absolutely no shit from the past, no shit on hand to deal with, and perhaps anticipating just a wee bit of surprising shit from the future.

yep. my jolly saturday mood has definitely passed.

it's not that i want to be a pessimist, or a whiny prat, but somehow, happiness seems to be grasped only when the weekend is near. how sad is that? i'm 20, should be living my life fully, worrying about pimples and boys. definitely not whether my email is taken care of, or whether i've paid last month's phone bill.

ah well, don't worry. this feeling will pass by next friday. i'm quite sure of it.

toodles.

sweet november

happy saturday everybody.

yep, as you can tell from my very zen salutations and my also very zen title, i'm, well, very zen. for now at least.

i guess it's got something to do with lazy saturday mornings, where my parents don't come barging through the doors tearing my blanket off me and telling me we're heading out. don't get me wrong, brunch with my parents can be lovely, but, i do enjoy rolling around in bed in the morning as well.

there's something wrong with the timing of my posts, don't know how to fix that. sigh. always have this problem. whatever. it's saturday morning.

so anyway, we're into the month of november. i like november :)

it's near the end of the year, but not quite at the same time. and like all the christmas decorations will slowly be coming up, and the weather is a lot colder. it's nice, that's all.

i like :)