i realise i'm a very poisonous person to be around. but before you jump to conclusions, do allow me an explanation.

see, i think my moods are toxic. i let them spread to the people around me, and i no longer care as much as i do about whether i'm pissing the other person off with my pmsy one word answers. i think i'm just too tired to care about feelings and frivolous emotions now. and when people get overly sensitive and stuff, i just turn on my moody faucet, and shove a giant middle finger in their face.

thing is, i don't know when i started being like this. it's like those chronic diseases that slowly creep up on you, and before you know it, it's too late to do anything about it. and at the same time, i can't be a frowny pisspot everywhere i go, so i have to be all animated and fun out there, just to keep my sanity alive.

fuck. it's like im whoring my happiness just to retain my sanity. and so often i speak of sanity, but i don't even know what it is or what it's worth anymore. i doubt i'll ever go insane ever, but i do often fight to get out of my mind sometimes. and just be somewhere else.

wtf.